- I have been feeling anger or anxiety (or a mixed of both) within me for several weeks. I am searching for a job, but I know getting a job wouldn’t subside my anger. I need to know what it is actually.
- I know that the state I want to achieve is independence. Life should be satisfying without any external dependencies. No job, no single relationship, no hobby should be the dominant factor of my life happiness. If they are, they are my tools of escape. Right now, I am using various mean to escape, music, walking, reading, doing sport. None of them really help calming me down. I gain a breathing room when doing them, but the anger and emptiness return as soon as the activities finished
- My anger stems from my many desires to do many things but have to be on hold because I want to nail down a job first, but the job is a mean of necessary. It doesn’t serve my goal but only survival, although I don’t know my goal yet.
- Anger continues to pile up. But I know no single activities would resolve it. What is it that is lacking?
- Focus on what you control. In terms of job hunting, sending out applications, practise interview skills and learn system design. These are the things that I need to keep doing regardless of the external environment. Be patient with the uncontrollable.
- These are the quality that I need: FOCUS, PATIENT, WISDOM
- Craftsmanship. Focus on what you do and perfect it with an unaltered mind. I guess this is what I want, my ideal lifestyle. The world however doesn’t work this way. There are necessary things that I need to deal with even though I deem as mundane, like money and business.
- Be water. Craftsmanship is how I hope the world to work. Just leave me alone and let me do my own thing. But that’s not how the world works. Be water is the ultimate attitude. Instead of resisting it, adopt it with an unaltered mind, work around it. That’s the freedom that I seek.
- I have been thinking about buying a sewing machine for a long time, but I haven’t, because I don’t want an extra possession that would limit my mobility. I don’t want to be rooted. But also because of this idea, my freedom to create new experience is limited. I am bounded by my desire to create freedom. If you don’t want it anymore, you can just sell it. If you buy it and have lots of fun with it, you might find your life passion. Don’t you see how the reward outgrown the risk unproportionally?
- Everything is a double-edged sword. Reading as many people claimed, should be a tool that help you grow, but for me at this moment is a tool to escape and procrastinate. An activity without a proper mean is not gonna be as beneficial as it claimed. It is the why that matter, then what, and finally the how.